I just tried to capitalize the number two. That's right. A 2.
My mind is completely gone. Last night I completely lost it over a post on notalwaysright.com and started laughing hysterically until I was crying. I tried to find the post again to post it, but I can't find it right now. I'll summarize. The website is about stupid customers that are "not always right."
Customer asks for help with a cougar problem to a worker at a sporting goods store.
"You should get some bear spray to help detract cougars." - Employee
"Nah, that'll just piss them off. What are those?" - Customer
"Those are machetes, sir." - Employee
"Yeah! That's what we need! Machetes! We'll fight the cougars off with machetes. Forget the bear spray, that'll just piss them off."
HAHAAAAAAA! I laughed so hard, I had tears running down my face, black streaks of mascara on my cheeks, a jiggling baby in my arms, and a completely confused husband. I've lost it. I remember being at this point with Tater Tot. We were sleep deprived nutballs around this time and got really REALLY goofy.
Ok...haha... whew... sigh... breathe, ok. Back to what I was really going to write about. Our day. Life with two under two.
4:45am Wake up with Fry. Nurse. Fall asleep together.
6:45am Wake up with Fry. Nurse. Gently pat her back to sleep with Spud.
7:20am Mommy time! Make coffee, take a bath.
7:40am Wake Spud and he gets ready for work. Do makeup, get dressed.
8:00am Wake Fry and change diaper, outfit.
8:15am Wake Tot. Change, speak to Elmo, get dressed, play, threaten with bodily harm unless she comes with me downstairs for breakfast.
9:00am Sesame Street for Tot in highchair with breakfast. Mama and Fry nurse again.
9:45am AIS. Ass In Seat. Everybody's ass has to be in a seat in the car by this time.
10am Storytime with friends! Sing dance. Holy crap do NOT get lost in the library again! They will not feed you if I leave you here over night.
11am Leave storytime. Are you kidding me? Get in your seat. Mommy is very upset with you. Diaper changes.
11:05am Arrive home with a screaming infant and a running toddler. Nurse. Dora. Goldfish crackers. Peace.
11:06am Juice spills.
11:07am DO NOT HIT SISSY!
12pm Lunch! Sometimes, while still feeding Small Fry. That's a talent.
12:30pm Clean up lunch. Cuddle on couch. Pick up-PICK UP YOUR JUICE! Make a bottle and set it on the stairs, ready for naptime. Clean up toys. Put away. Clean up toys again.
1pm NAPTIME! All is right with the world. Change diapers and put babies to bed. Load dishwasher. Finish laundry. Cuddle up with baby and rest.
1:30pm Nurse. Nurse. Nurse some more. Computer time. Paperwork. All in bed with baby.
2:30pm Cant. Keep. My. Eyes. Open......zzzzzz
4:00pm Fry and I wake up and nurse. Sometime between now and when Daddy comes home, Tot wakes up and starts babbling in her crib. Sometimes she asks for Josh. Or talks to Elmo.
4:30pm Spud officially off work. He gets Tot while Fry and I finish nursing. Change diapers. Up. Awake. Snacks. Juice.
5:00pm Dinner preparations. Either Spud or Mama make dinner - most often Spud.
6:00pm Dinner. PICK UP YOUR JUICE!
6:10pm Time out chair. Crying ensues. Sissy gets upset and needs to nurse again.
6:45pm Clean up. Cuddle time. Play time. Put away laundry. Load dishwasher.
7:30pm BATHTIME! (Paint? Duck? Yes Tot, you can paint the rubber duckie with watercolors while we bathe you. Sure) Daddy's in charge of bath time. I love it. I go get a bottle ready, pick out pj's, assemble her bed (because Spud forgets and leaves a mess after naptime), and cleans the upstairs.
7:45pm Nighttime diaper. Lotion. Vicks. Brush hair. Pajamas. Brush teeth. Medicine. Storybook. Hugs and kisses for Mommy, Daddy, and Sissy.
8pm Lights out for Tot. Bathtime for Fry. Mommy/baby warm bath together.
8:30pm Pjs for the little pee pee.
11pm Nurse. Drift off to sleep.
12am I finally get to sleep. Maybe.